A common refrain and misconception is that good negotiation is all a confidence game, and those who don’t do it well just need a shot of self-esteem. Another common misconception is that women and BIPOC candidates are less likely to negotiate. But research shows that while we do ask, we do not get. (Or worse, we ask the “right” way and still do not get.) So why don’t we shift our mindset? Let’s negotiate like we have nothing to lose. Here are some tips to make it happen. Always be on the lookout for when a situation is becoming unsustainable and why. Thinking of negotiation purely in terms of “winning” means that the game is over when the negotiation ends—regardless of what was agreed on. By remaining in conversation, the door is always open to negotiate change. Maybe you need a better salary so you can save for your child’s education. Maybe you need flexible work hours so you can care for a loved one who needs help. Try even thinking of yourself in the third person—of course, you would go to bat for your best friend. What if that best friend were you? A raise may be nice—but flexible hours that allow you to walk your child home from school may be better. You might like a new job—but you don’t want any job that requires a commute. Maybe you want policy change—more diversity in administration, more paths to promotion. Make a list of your non-negotiables, your flexibilities, and your big wants, and consider what these may be for the other party as well. What is non-negotiable for you might be a place of flexibility for them. Disarm your negotiator with your unexpected ask—you may get exactly what you want.
