Despite your being blood relatives, a range of factors can cause political arguments between family members, including generational divides, personality types, varying levels of education, and personal political opinions. And these days, these can be dangerous waters to navigate at a family dinner or event. From an etiquette standpoint, politics have no place at the table. “Tradition would dictate you don’t speak about politics at the table,” says Elaine Swann, an etiquette expert and CEO of her own lifestyle and coaching company. “But because of our modern society today and the current political climate that’s super prevalent in our everyday lives—whether it’s a policy or a law that is affecting many of our lives—stifling guests or family members from having a conversation at all would be difficult.” So what can you do? We spoke to a few etiquette experts who weigh in on what to do to prevent an overheated political argument between family members who butt heads—and exactly what to say if things get out of hand. Here’s how to prepare and keep the peace as everyone arrives for the holidays. If everyone’s milling about and starting to argue, send them outside or set up a game of charades. “This way, they’re not talking, they’re just doing something,” Gottsman says. “If you’re worried you can’t hold your peace, I’d enlist an accountability partner,” Farley says. In other words, find someone who can help you steer the conversation in another direction if it goes awry. “If you have family members who can enjoy a respectful, thoughtful political discourse and still be smiling at the end of it, and feel they both learned something, then that kind of healthy engagement isn’t a bad thing,” Farley says. But, he and other etiquette experts warn that that’s not usually the case. Often the only thing you can do is to remove yourself from a situation. “Sometimes you can’t change crazy,” Swann says. “If there’s nothing they’re going to do to change their perspective, you can change how you deal with it.” She suggests that anyone uncomfortable with a situation can remove themselves entirely and even find a fun game to play with the kids.
